Missed Weekly Weigh In
I missed my weekly weigh in, in fact, I haven’t posted at all this week.
That’s mostly because not much has been going on.
It’s also because I pinched my sciatica and I’ve been in bed for days. Sitting is a real pain (literally), and working (and sitting all day) in a call center has been a struggle. I’m exhausted and my best friend is in town from Peru so now I have to muster up some non existent energy.
I’m going back to the chiropractor tomorrow so I’m hoping that will help.
As of now, I can’t stand on the scale because of the pain so I have no updates for you. Crossing my fingers I’ll be much better for Thursdays weigh in!!!
Weekly Weigh In 11/21/13
Thursday, November 21st: 294.4
Pounds lost this week: 2.4
Total Pounds lost: 63
Ok, still going and feeling good! I couldn’t exercise this week because my MS has been bothering me (little muscle spasms, optic neuritis flares, fatigue) but I managed to stay pretty strict on the diet. I surpassed my goal for this week and I’m excited to keep going!
Goal for next week: 292.4
A Measure for Big People
My family and friends love me.
They love me so much that sometimes they don’t realize the hurtful things they’re saying and, because I’m so open about talking about my size (just no numbers in person, please!) I think they forget that we’re still talking about, well, my size.
I’ve noticed that in various situations, I’ve become the measurement of how big someone else is. It’s always referenced to complete strangers and they’re always female. The gender part is the only silver lining to this story since I don’t want to be compared to men, my pride can only take so much!
I know this sounds mean to the strangers that are the subject of these conversations, but I’m the one who actually has to hear it and it’s a bit frustrating.
Here are some examples:
"Yeah, she was really big. She was almost as big as Carolyn."
"Wow Carolyn, you actually look small next to her…”
"You’re probably just about as big as that girl over there."
I think that’s enough.
Why is it that just because I’m bigger than most other people, I have to be compared to every other big person that walks by? Why am I a measurement for how large other people are?
Realistically, none of this is done with any negative connotations (if you can believe it) and I actually wonder if I’ve brought this on myself by being so open about being a big girl.
If I were thin, would my body still be the scale of how someone else’s body is? And what are the units of measurement here? Is it from thin to heavy to Carolyn to planet sized? That’s certainly how it feels.
Not only is this rude to strangers, but it’s rude to me. I’ve started making myself very clear that this is crossing the line and I hope my friends and family understand why I’m putting my foot down. This isn’t about being sensitive, it’s about still being human (even with all the extra pounds, I do still have feelings!) and I don’t like to be compared to others….
Unless you want to tell me I’m beautiful just like Mila Kunis and have a butt similar to Kim Kardashian’s. Then we can talk!
15 Nov 2013 @ 11:51PM /
Weekly Weigh In (11/14/13)
Thursday, November 14th: 296.8
Pounds lost this week: 3.2
Total Pounds lost: 60.6
As promised, I’m here with my weekly weigh in. I was a little worried about this week since I’m in the midst of rebooting my whole diet (and I went on a mini family vacation) but it seemed to work well! While I think I could have lost more weight this week, I certainly CANNOT complain about 3.2 pounds! Since I’m not traveling this week at all and things should be mellow, I’m sure I can blast through this week with another great weigh in next week!
Goal for next week: 295.0.
A Good Use for a Bad Mood
I’ve been out of it for awhile. I’d like to tell you it’s been just a little while, but its been an ongoing roller coaster of ups and downs for about a year.
It’s also why I haven’t lost any real weight in a year. Just up and down with the same 15 pounds. No more, no less.
The other day, I was in a particularly bad mood. I woke up thinking about my weight, how I should be in grad school now halfway towards a dual degree in Industrial/Organizational Psychology, and how my work schedule is making my life impossible. I don’t want to think that I took off time from school and all I did was work. I was irritated and everyone was in my way.
Luckily for me, I had an appointment to meet up with my trainer, Mia. I didn’t tell her about my miserable outlook of the day, I just wanted to work it out (literally).
Well, we did, and afterward, it’s like my whole outlook changed. I don’t know what happened, but I’m ecstatic that it did.
I’m not in school now, but I will be soon, and I’ll be going for a degree that will make me much happier than IO Psychology.
I’m the only reason I haven’t lost weight and my mind set needs to change. I need to go back to keeping a physical food journal and I need to stop neglecting the gym. My legs may still be vibrating, but that’s what the stationary bike is for.
Work is work. It isn’t forever and I’m lucky to have a simple job. If my schedule continues this way, I may try to move on. I’m certainly not chained to this position.
It’s almost like I stopped loving myself. I stopped cleaning my room, stopped cooking, and just stopped caring. Well, I’m happy to say that things seem to be turning around. Nothing has changed except for my attitude, but that’s enough for me.
I’ve been keeping a food journal and I’m doing a weekly weigh in for today.
Friday, November 8th 2013: 300.0 lbs
Total Pounds lost: 57.4
I’ve been too upset with myself to post that, but I’m done being ashamed. We all have set backs. Now it’s time to get up from it.
I will be resuming my normal THURSDAY weigh in’s on November 14th. No matter what the scale says.
You are such an inspiration to me. I love your blog and it just motivates me to get my butt in gear! Thank you!
No, thank you! I need to get MY butt in gear as well!
27 Oct 2013 @ 12:32PM /
I’ve been working overtime. Double overtime. I’m trying to get my ducks in a row and figure out how to make everything work. I need a clear plan, a trajectory of where to go next.
My weight isn’t budging. Probably because I’ve only been giving 50%. I’m usually the person to say ‘just get it done’ but for some reason it feels almost impossible this time.
I need to clear my head. To figure out how to make this all work. I don’t know why dieting used to feel so easy before. Maybe it’s because I have the craziest work schedule of life. More likely, I feel like something is holding me back. I make bad decisions for no reason and I need to figure out what’s bugging me.
Regardless, this too shall pass. Never give up.
Nothing Real To Say
I have no words. No excuses, no reasons, no alibis, no apologies, no nothing. I can’t seem to get myself together and its simply disappointing. I know I want this. I know I NEED this. I know I will die if I don’t do this. So why is it so damn hard? Does everyone go through this?
Hey it's been a while since we've spoken but I'm back active again :)anyway how are you ? Creeping on your blog here I've seen you lost 60 pounds which is amazing !! Fair play x anyway just thought I'd say hello now that I'm back and seriously well done :D
Hi! I’ve been doing alright! Up and down in my weight, but I just keep reminding myself that it’s a journey! It’s great to hear from you!
11 Oct 2013 @ 07:04PM /