Posts tagged obese
Posts tagged obese
That’s right everyone, it’s a weekly weigh in! Can I even call it that if I don’t always post every week? Ah, well, it’s my blog, so here we go…
I’m a month and a half into my relapse and for the last week and a half I’ve been following a strict organic pescatarian diet that’s very low in saturated fat (less than 15 grams a day).
I had gained a miserable 9 pounds between not being able to walk well (let alone exercise), not being able to use my hand, and being on the steroids.
That brought me to be 291.6 pounds. It was pretty devastating.
After going through my journals, I realized that every time I’m consistently losing weight I’ll have some sort of relapse that will send me back. After a lot of research I’ve changed my eating and I weighed in this morning at 277.2.
I’ll do the math for you, that’s 80.2 pounds down!
I’m happy that the weight is coming off, but that’s not why I’m eating this way. I’m done eating for weight loss. How can I choose sugar free pudding with hydrogenated cool whip, filled with chemicals and who knows what else over a piece of fruit? I’m eating for my MS. For fuel. To wake up in the morning and actually feel good.
Yes, I will post about the fruit intolerance issues later this week as well as more details about the eating plan.
Hopefully I’ll start to feel better moving forward. As of now, I’m just so excited to tell people I’ve lost over 80 pounds, I just want to scream it from my balcony!
But I won’t.
Goal for next week: To stop putting so much pressure on myself with these goals. Oh, and to feel better then I do this week.
Friday, May 30th: 282.0
Pounds lost: .4
Total Pounds lost: 75.4
Alright, so I didn’t hit my target for the week, but I still couldn’t be happier. I still lost weight during my birthday week (and I know you know I didn’t bother curbing my diet on my birthday…hello, cheesecake anyone?) and I’ve been pretty much in bed for the last two days, leaving my room only to cook (I swear to you!) and use the bathroom. All my meals have been quick and easy and I refuse to give up and order in.
I’m just so tired. Yesterday I had body aches, fatigue, and no balance. I figured that would pass with some rest. Today I woke up (miserably around 6 am) with body aches, fatigue, and a migraine. Don’t even get me started on the balance. Thirteen hours later and I’m still plagued with the migraine but now I’m noticing my left arm and leg are feeling a little numb. I was able to shower and I’m washing my blanket and sheets but now I’m sprawled out on the couch wondering how the heck I’m gonna make dinner.
Realistically, I think I’m gonna drag myself out to get a salad or soup or something. I can’t stand up long enough to cook again, let alone clean more dishes!
So, even though I’m having a rough couple of days, I’m really happy that my weight didn’t inflate. I’m hoping this week will be easier MS wise, I’d really like to get back into the gym…
Goal for next week: 280
Friday, May 23rd: 282.4
Pounds lost: 2
Total Pounds lost: 75
I’m speechless. And nervous about already almost being out of the 80’s! Let’s keep this roll going! It’s my birthday weekend and, while I don’t have any plans to binge, I would like to splurge a little bit!
Goal for next week: 280. Yikes!
As you may be able to see from the scarcity of my posts or my admittance to hitting a massive wall, I’ve halted any true progression in my life. I feel stuck.
Everything is up in the air right now. As of tonight I’m living on my own for the first time ever. I’ve lived in a dorm, but there’s always someone down the hall. I am officially alone. I’m moving soon, applying to schools, job hunting, and studying. My future just seems so fuzzy right now, which of course, is driving me mad.
So, today, as I cried all the way home from work for no good reason, I started to think about my birthday this month.
I’ll be 25 on May 25th. My golden birthday.
As a 25 year old, I will have achieved none of the major life goals I was hoping to hit by this age. It’s depressing and it didn’t help this whole “self hate” phase that I can’t seem to shake. I’m overwhelmed with the realization that I still feel like a walking blimp. It bothers me that I haven’t even begun graduate school…I haven’t even taken the GRE yet.
It also kind of gets under my skin that I don’t have a man in my life. I haven’t really been looking, but this still feels like it should be noted for some reason. Apparently, having a boyfriend says a lot about my own self worth… Operator, can you connect me with the closest psychiatrist, please?
I could go on, but I think that’s enough of that. I called one of my best friends to tell her what I was thinking and, being that we’re so similar, she validated my feelings and then reminded me that this is the moment where I should focus on the things I don’t like about myself and try to change them. I need to start focusing on what makes me happy. So, thats what I did.
Losing weight makes me happy. I feel more fit, sexier, and it lessens my fear of an impending collapse in my future health.
KEEPING UP WITH THIS BLOG MAKES ME HAPPY. I’ve only been posting once a week at best and it irritates me everyday. This blog is the only thing I’ve done on my own consistently for this amount of time. It should be a priority to continue writing.
Volunteering makes me happy. My schedule has been a bit scattered at work so I haven’t been into the MS Society’s office in a few weeks. This also upsets me.
I always spend a lot of time with family and friends, these are the things that make me happy as an individual and I worry that I’m letting them all slip away. I want to be fit and feel good about myself. I want to continue to write and inspire others. I want to continue to help others and myself in every way that I can.
I don’t know what limitations life will put on me down the road. I want to take advantage of the moment and I’m wasting a lot of time being miserable. How many times am I going to say enough is enough before it actually means something?
There are a lot of things about myself that I simply don’t like. I think about my flaws for a good portion of my day and I’m constantly pining for change.
I like to think everyone thinks that way, but that doesn’t really make me feel any better. I just wish things were different.
I wish I was thinner, and that I didn’t have MS. It bothers me that I haven’t travelled more and that I haven’t gone to grad school yet. I think about how much I hate my thighs/arms/stomach and will go to great lengths to hide them. I think my freckles are extremely unattractive. I hate how unorganized I am and that my room is always messy. It’s a never ending obsession and I just can’t get my brain to stop bullying me.
One thing that’s always stuck with me is how much I hate the way I look when I laugh. I know it sounds stupid, but it’s true. I used to see commercials where people would look so beautiful when they laughed that I would try to practice it in the mirror (well, this is embarrassing), but no matter how hard I tried, my natural laugh always took over in the moment. Recently, I was out for dinner and drinks with a group of friends and my brother snapped a picture of me mid laugh and posted it on Facebook before I had a chance to delete it.
Before I knew it, that picture had more likes than any other picture I have on Facebook. People were posting “Wow, you look great!” and “Gorgeous!”. Even though I’m still not thrilled with the way I look when I’m laughing, clearly this is all perspective and that makes me wonder if everything else I’ve been worrying about is also my own perspective with a negative twist.
I don’t need to love everything about myself because then, I wouldn’t have the drive to achieve more. I want the most for myself and, bottom line, I love myself more than anyone else. I want to try to see the things that bother me as opportunities to better myself. I want to love every aspect of myself and mold who I am into who I deserve to be. For now, I’ll recognize when I’m picking on myself, but then I have to let it go. I can only be who I am in this moment and who knows, maybe most of the people I know really love that part about me.
I guess I’ll have to worry less and laugh more…even if I wish I had a prettier laugh, a genuine laugh is apparently far more attractive.
I haven’t updated in over a week, which is odd because I have so much to say. A lot is happening, so I’ll give you the bullet points to spare you from another one of my famous long posts.
I’ve been maintaining my weight for the last two weigh ins at 289.2, it went down to 289.0 and then up to 289.6, but overall its just been hovering for now and thats perfectly fine with me.
I’m moving. I have no idea where I’m going to live or if I’m going to even stay in Miami. I’m torn between my options, but luckily, I have about 2 months to make up my mind… Realistically, not knowing is driving me mad.
I’ve been going out with friends a lot. A couple times a week at least. I’ve been really good about not overindulging too bad and still enjoying myself. I’m also getting kinda tired of going out all the time so I’m going to scale back. Starting yesterday.
Last, but CERTAINLY not least: I had my year review with my neurologist. The appointment where we go over my MRI and discuss my MS “progress”. Well, turns out, I’M DOING FANTASTIC! My physical came back with no abnormalities and my MRI showed NO new lesions and only 1 active lesion.
Things haven’t been this good health wise since before I was diagnosed. If things continue like this, I like to think I can control my MS more than letting it control me.
In the end, I’ve been pretty happy recently. I’ve been studying non stop for the GRE and trying to solidify where I want to go to grad school. Beyond that I’m still volunteering at least every other week with the MS Society and I’m working non stop. Life has been busy and I couldn’t feel more blessed.
Life is good.
Thursday, March 14th: 289.2
Pounds lost this week: 3.8
Total Pounds lost: 68.2
Sorry about the late post, I had a family emergency to tend to yesterday so I didn’t have the opportunity to write my weekly weigh in post. This is for yesterday’s weigh in.
I mean, obviously I’m happy! That’s a huge drop and, while I know I can’t expect that every week, it’s nice to see it once in awhile!
I’m so close to being back at 70 pounds. At this point, it’s felt like I’ll never get back there. Finally it seems a little more realistic! I can’t stop now!
Goal for next week: 287.4
If you’ve read my blog at all, you know that, even in my hardest times, I try to focus on some sort of silver lining. I struggle with stress management and have focused on maintaining a negative attitude in the past. It wasn’t like I was a real life Daria or anything, but I complained often and was constantly over-stressing my mind, body and spirit.
I like to think I’ve made strides since then. I worked on my self awareness when it came to complaining and on letting go of grudges. I find that if I push for positive energy, it eventually manifests and I can’t help but think more constructive and healthy thoughts.
Just like with my weight over the past year, we all slide back into old habits sometimes, and I’m feeling the ill effects of that now. I’ve had a lot of stress recently and I don’t know how to manage any of it. I’m trying to stay positive, but the universe is testing my patience right now. I find that I’m having more difficulty ever losing weight (I couldn’t even bring myself to get on the scale last week). Not for lack of trying, in fact, this is probably the hardest I’ve ever worked. I know the stress is preventing my weight loss, now I just need to learn how to control my stress!
The last few days I’ve slipped on my diet. As a result, my body HURTS. My legs feel heavy, my head aches, I’m tired, my ribcage hurts, and my back is tight. Because of the stress, I’ve been clamping down on my jaw at night (and sometimes during the day)…this is probably connected to the headaches now that I think about it. I’ve been treating the symptoms but I know I need to get to the root.
Sometimes I forget that everything is holistic. My body and my brain are connected and just like when I used positive energy to my advantage (hello weight loss, less stress, and less pain!), negative energy will take over my body just the same.
I need to find my way back to a positive place. I don’t know what it is thats stressing me out so much but I better figure it out soon. My ability to a healthy existence depends on it.
Living in the gym. All this hard work has to pay off eventually…I’ve never worked so hard on my weight in my life. It has to start coming off eventually.
I will be my own inspiration.
[See this original post and more at: WithoutTheWeight!]
Thursday, January 30th: 293.0
Pounds lost this week: 1.4
Total Pounds lost: 64.4
Ok. So this week was better than the last two combined. I’m not hitting my little weekly goals, but I don’t actually know where I pull those mini goals from, so, I’m trying to stay positive. Realistically, I lost just about a pound and a half this week. Things are getting better and before you (or I) know it, I’ll be back to being 70 pounds down and then I’ll officially be back on track. All I can do is keep going and try not to get frustrated.
On a VERY positive note, I’ve hit my exercise goals every single week in January! I exercised five times last week…going for six this week! In case you’re curious, it’s two days of strength training and the rest is 30 minutes of cardio. I’m hoping to do cardio five days a week with two days of strength training, I just figured I’d build up to it instead of overloading myself all at once. So far, it’s been pretty simple.
Goal for next week: 291.0